Webmasters Mel & Martin Walsingham
George’s Jokes
The Little Builder
This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It’s true, and it makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty building plot. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family’s 5 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking to the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them wile they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her, her very own hard hat and gloves.
At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her ‘pay’ to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When she got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling about her ‘work’ on the building site, and the fat that she had a ‘pay packet’
“You must have worked very hard to earn all this” said the bank cashier, the little girl proudly replied. “I worked all last week with the men building a big house.” “My goodness gracious” said the cashier, “Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?
The little girl thought for a moment and said. “I think so, provided those t***s from Jewson deliver the f****** bricks on time.”
This is a story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It’s true, and it makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to an empty building plot. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family’s 5 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking to the workers.
She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot.
They chatted with her, let her sit with them wile they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her, her very own hard hat and gloves.
At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her ‘pay’ to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When she got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling about her ‘work’ on the building site, and the fat that she had a ‘pay packet’
“You must have worked very hard to earn all this” said the bank cashier, the little girl proudly replied. “I worked all last week with the men building a big house.” “My goodness gracious” said the cashier, “Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?
The little girl thought for a moment and said. “I think so, provided those t***s from Jewson deliver the f****** bricks on time.”
All jokes here are not aimed to cause offence, so please take them in the lighthearted humour that is meant and hopefully they will bring a smile, a chuckle or have you laughing out loud - Enjoy!
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A man was walking on the beach when a bottle washes up on the shore, he opens the bottle and a genie pops out and grants him any one wish. But he’s a little embarrassed about his wish , so he whispers in the genies ear. “Tonight at midnight,” says the genie, “Your front door bell will ring, and your wish will be granted.”
He rushes home and waits excitedly. As the clock chimes twelve, the door bell rings, he opens the door and sees 3 jockeys standing there wearing white hoods over their heads and holding a noose, “Are you the guy who wants to be hung like a donkey?” they ask.
A man was walking on the beach when a bottle washes up on the shore, he opens the bottle and a genie pops out and grants him any one wish. But he’s a little embarrassed about his wish , so he whispers in the genies ear. “Tonight at midnight,” says the genie, “Your front door bell will ring, and your wish will be granted.”
He rushes home and waits excitedly. As the clock chimes twelve, the door bell rings, he opens the door and sees 3 jockeys standing there wearing white hoods over their heads and holding a noose, “Are you the guy who wants to be hung like a donkey?” they ask.
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Get your own back
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their children. “You all have obsessions”, he observed. To the first mother Mary, he said “You are obsessed with eating, you have even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mum Ann. “You are obsessed with money, again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny. He turned to the third mum Kathy, “Your obsession is alcohol, this too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.” At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he is talking about, Lets pick up Willy from school and go home.”
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their children. “You all have obsessions”, he observed. To the first mother Mary, he said “You are obsessed with eating, you have even named your daughter Candy.” He turned to the second mum Ann. “You are obsessed with money, again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny. He turned to the third mum Kathy, “Your obsession is alcohol, this too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.” At this point, the fourth mother, Joyce, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on Dick, this guy has no idea what he is talking about, Lets pick up Willy from school and go home.”
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The Frog and the Golfer
A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again he hears “Ribbit 9 iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to change his club for a 9 iron. Boom, he hits the shot and it lands just 4 inches from the cup. “Wow that’s amazing, you must be a luck frog, the frog replies, “Ribbit Lucy Frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom, hole in one.
The man is baffled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day the man golfed the best game of his life and asks the frog “OK where next?” The frog replies “Ribbit Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says “OK frog, now what?” The frog say “Ribbit Roulette.” On approaching the roulette table the man asks “What do you think I should be?” The frog replies “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after that golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom tons of cash comes sliding back across the table, the frog has done it again.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel, he sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you, you’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies “Ribbit Kiss Me.” the man figures why not, after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a gorgeous girl “And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin, so help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods.”
A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, “Ribbit 9 iron.” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone. Again he hears “Ribbit 9 iron.” He looks at the frog and decides to change his club for a 9 iron. Boom, he hits the shot and it lands just 4 inches from the cup. “Wow that’s amazing, you must be a luck frog, the frog replies, “Ribbit Lucy Frog.” The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. “What do you think frog?” the man asks “Ribbit 3 wood.” The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom, hole in one.
The man is baffled and doesn’t know what to say. By the end of the day the man golfed the best game of his life and asks the frog “OK where next?” The frog replies “Ribbit Las Vegas.” They go to Las Vegas and the guy says “OK frog, now what?” The frog say “Ribbit Roulette.” On approaching the roulette table the man asks “What do you think I should be?” The frog replies “Ribbit $3000, black 6.” Now this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after that golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom tons of cash comes sliding back across the table, the frog has done it again.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel, he sits the frog down and says, “Frog, I don’t know how to repay you, you’ve won me all this money and I am forever grateful.” The frog replies “Ribbit Kiss Me.” the man figures why not, after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss the frog turns into a gorgeous girl “And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin, so help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods.”